What About The Legend of the Lost Ancient Artifact
by James Firebrand
Summary: A three-way crossover fic between Amor Vincit Omnia, What About Love? And T.L.A.A.O.K., the three stand-alone yaoi webcomics by SilverHyena on SmackJeeves. Happy Birthday!


**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Amor Vincit Omnia, What About Love? or The Lost Ancient Artifact of Kaagnash**

**What About The Lost Artifact of Vincit Omnia?**

**THIS is a birthday fic for SilverHyena, THE best yaoi webcomic artist I've come across on the internet. And that's saying something. It is, however, RIDICULOUSLY OVERDUE, and I can only hope she still appreciate this. .**

* * *

><p>Takao stared at the clock, his breath echoing in his ears. Five minutes. He had five minutes left to make the biggest mistake of his life. His hands were shaking as he stared at the blonde head sitting in front of him.<p>

_It's stupid. Don't._

He felt his body moving, standing from his desk.

_He won't even bother turning me down, he'll just laugh._

His feet took two steps forward and turned.

_It's still not too late, I can still keep walking before he notices..._

His lungs contracted, drawing in air that seemed to be electrified. "H...Hey, Hisoka?"

Blue eyes shifted from the window to meet his green ones, a hint of surprise in them.

"Hm?"

_Last chance. Just say 'Never mind' and walk away. No damage done and-_

"I-I really like you and, well, what I'm saying is, will you go out with me?"

The words tumbled from his mouth in a rush as he squeezed his eyes shut, not wanting to see the mocking or disgusted expression on Hisoka's face. He felt his cheeks flushing deeper with every word.

Several seconds passed before he dared to open his eyes to see Hisoka looking at him as if he'd just started speaking another language. He didn't say a word for what seemed like an eternity.

His mouth went dry, his mind was screaming at him to walk away, but his feet were rooted to the spot. He knew he should say something, anything to salvage the situation, but nothing came to mind.

Then Hisoka gave him a little smile.

"Well, why not? It might be interesting."

It took Takao's mind a full minute to process the words that had just come out of Hisoka's mouth and a giant, doofy smile split his face. "R-really?"

Hisoka laughed and started to reply, when the bell rang.

"All right, everyone, take your seats!" Mr. Harris said as he walked in the room; Takao scrambling to do just that, doofy smile firmly in place.

"Before we begin, there's someone I'd like all of you to meet," Mr. Harris said as a tall, dark skinned boy walked in. "Everyone: this is Naoll, he just transferred in today."

"Oh...he's cute..." Takao whispered, to himself...or so he thought he thought, when Hisoka glanced over his shoulder, grinning. "What? Thinking about cheating on me already?"

Hisoka's smirk grew as Takao spluttered, tripping over his own words in an attempt to take back what he'd said, and Hisoka took the opportunity to study the new student.

Naoll was tall and slender, with charcoal skin and black hair, from behind which a pair of ruby eyes peered out at the world. He had a loose, easy, free posture, and wore a pair of black and grey arm warmers.

"Let's see..." Mr. Harris said, scanning the room. "There's an empty seat next to Kieran, why don't you sit there?"

Kieran looked up in mild surprise, having been off in his own little world as per usual.

"Ok, sure," Naoll said, starting towards the desk.

"The two of you are actually related, aren't you?" Mr. Harris said, as if just now remembering.

"Cousins," Kieran grunted as he shifted his desk aside to let Naoll past.

"Well, in that case, you should be able to help him find his way around!" Mr. Harris said. "Now then, everyone, let's get started!"

* * *

><p>No sooner had class ended than Takao's cell phone vibrated in his pocket, signifying the arrival of a text message. He flipped it open and read: 'Come to the East Boy's Bathroom, PLEASE! Hurry!"<p>

Takao didn't even need to look at the number to see who it was from. Iram was the only person he knew who used full, proper english in a text message. But why the hell did he want him to meet him in the bathroom of all places?

Takao sighed, gathering his things. He hated to run out on Hisoka like this; immediately after he'd agreed to go out with him, but Iram was one of his best friends, and he wouldn't have asked Takao for something like this unless it was importiant.

"Hey, Hisoka?" Takao said, standing and slinging his backpack across his shoulder, "I hate to run out on you like this, but a friend just texted me and I need to meet him. Catch you later?"

Hisoka shrugged. "OK. Sure."

"Thanks!" Takao called over his shoulder as he rushed out, nearly knocking Nami over in the doorway. "Sorry, Nami, but I can't talk-"

Nami waved him aside. "It's fine. I'm not here for you anyway, go do what you need to do."

Takao nodded and rushed towards the east wing of the building. Whatever was wrong, he hoped Iram was alright...

Nami stuck her head in the room. "Hey, Kieran!"

Kieran turned to face her. "Hm?"

Nami folded her arms. "You owe me. And now I'm calling in a favor..."

* * *

><p>"Iram?" Takao called as he entered the bathroom, his voice echoing hollowly back at him. The room seemed to be deserted.<p>

"I'm here..." Iram's miserable voice called from the last stall on the other end of the room.

"What's wrong?" Takao asked, dropping his bag by the door as he walked towards the stall. "Are you sick?"

"No...I'm not sick..."

"Well, what's the matter?" Takao was seriously worried now.

"It's...I...Ohhhhhh..." There was the sound of the stall door's bolt being drawn back and Iram slowly opened the door.

Takao's eyes widened in shock. "Oh, my, god! What happened?"

"Percy..." Iram looked to be on the point of tears. "When I woke up this morning, all my clothes were gone, and all that was left was THIS!"

Takao could feel a slight flush creeping up his cheeks, and he took a step back to get a better look.

Iram was wearing a dress. It was a long, and flowing affair with white and blue stripes running vertically that matched his hair and eyes respectively, leaving his shoulders bare, with a sea-green fabric underneath.

"W-why didn't you just stay home?" Takao demaned.

"I can't!" Iram wailed. "I'm nearly failing science and there's a test today!"

"Oh, geez..."

"Can I borrow your gym clothes? PLEASE?" Iram asked desperately. "It was bad enough walking to school like this...I was late so everyone would miss seeing me like this..."

Takao shook his head. "Sorry, but I don't have gym today, and I left my clothes at home to be washed!"

Iram groaned in despair, banging his forehead against the wall of the stall.

Takao bit his lip, glancing at his watch. "Sorry, but I've gotta get to class. Are you gonna be alright?"

Iram nodded miserably. "I'll just hide in here until it's time for Science, get that test over with, go home and hang myself."

"Well, don't do that!" Takao called over his shoulder as he hurried out.

_Poor Iram_, he thought as he headed to the classroom _Being stuck in a dress...how horrible!_

* * *

><p>Kieran just stared at Nami with a look of blank resignation. "You want me to wear a dress."<p>

"Yes." Nami said firmly, holding the hangar holding the garment out at him.

"...why?"

"I told you! The drama club is running a cosplay cafe as a fundraiser, and two of our members are out sick! Even with you helping, we're still going to be one short!"

"No, meant why should I?"

Nami smirked. "Because I helped you out with that little problem last month at the church. What was his name? Brother John, was it?"

Kieran stared at her for a second before sighing and taking the dress from her. "Fine. You know, I pity whoever else it is you're going to rope into helping you with this..."

* * *

><p>"Percy!"<p>

Percy, a short, tousle-haired brunette, turned and smiled when he saw who it was who was addressing him. "Mykel. Asher." He greeted them, pudhung his glasses up smugly. "Enjoying your purchase?"

"No, we aren't!" Asher snapped.

Percy frowned. "Did I get the wrong dress or something?"

"We wouldn't know," Mykel huffed, folding his arms in puzzled irritation. "We haven't seen Iram all day!"

"Really?"

"He didn't walk to school with you?" Mykel asked.

Percy shook his head. "I left before he woke up so he wouldn't try to get me to tell him where I'd hidden our clothes."

"He problably just didn't come to school today!" Asher snapped. "I TOLD you something like this would happen!"

Percy shook his head. "Iram's on the verge of flunking Biology, and he has a test in that class today! There's no WAY he'd skip."

"In that case, he's problably hiding somewhere," Mykel surmized. "We should split up to look for him."

"I'd help," Percy said, "But I've got Art class in a few minutes. Good luck!"

"Thanks!" Mykel called as Percy vanished into the classroom. "Ok, Asher. I'll take the west bathrooms, you take the east."

"He'd better be here," Asher grumbled. "It cost us more money than I make in a month..."

* * *

><p>Naoll's hands roamed over his project, pinching and pushing, adding a bit more clay here and pulling a tad off there. When the teacher had informed him that the class was working on clay sculptures this unit, he had immediately known what he wanted to work on.<p>

Sitting back, Naoll ran a critical eye over his project. It was a bit big for a chess peice, true, but it there it shouldn't really matter. Besides, make it too small and it would be difficult to correctly form. He picked it up gingerly, carefuly not to disfigure the still damp clay and turned it around in his hands. One down, 35 to go.

"Very good, Naoll..."

Naoll looked up to see Mr. Lucas, the teacher standing next to him, admiring his project. "May I?" he asked, holding out a hand.

Naoll shrugged and handed it to him.

"Thank you. This is a...Queen, right?"

Naoll nodded. "I'm planning to paint it gold and add some fake gemstones to it. I'm hoping to make a full set."

"Ambitious..." Mr. Lucas murmured. "Everyone, take a look at this!" He said, turning to face the rest of the class, holding the Queen up for them to see. "What do you think of this?"

"It looks like a...Penis." The comment came from a brown-haired freshman sitting in one corner of the room.

Instantly the entire class burst into laughter; Mr. Lucas blinking and taking a second look at the item in his hand. "I-I guess I can sort of see that..."

An embarrased flush had begun creeping up Naoll's neck when the teacher moved to show the rest of the class his work, but it quickly turned into a flush of rage.

He glared daggers at the brunette who was sitting there, looking oh, so smug and pleased with himself. Naoll gritted his teeth and clenched his fists. That kid, whoever he was, wasn't goint to get away with this...

* * *

><p>Iram was nearly in tears by the time the test was over and the bell rang. He could feel the eyes on him all throughout the test as he hurriedly scribbled down answers. He started down the hallway hurrying as fast as the dress allowed, praying a bus would hit him on the way home, when a sudden squeal assaulted his ears. "You! Perfect! Come here!"<p>

Turning, Iram had just enough time to catch a glimpse of a dark ponytail as Nami grabbed him by the wrist and drug him into a nearby room. "Here, take this!" She ordered, thrusting a tray and menu into his arms. "Kieran will tell you what to do, ok? I gotta run, bye!"

And with that, she was gone, leaving a bemused Iram behind.

"I think you've just been the victim of a drive-by recruiting."

Iram turned to see a tall, dark-skinned upperclassman standing there, looking slightly amused, dressed in a frilly, pink dress that looked like it'd been taken from some kind of maid cosplay outfit.

"I guess so..." Iram sighed in defeat, too depressed to be sad anymore. The news of his involuntary cross-dressing would spread soon enough...

"I know I'm not one to talk, but what's with the dress?"

"My brother stole all my clothes and left me with this..." Iram mumbled, staring at the floor.

"Ouch."

"Yeah..." Iram sighed, lifting his gaze to meet the older teen's. "What about you?"

He received a shrug in response. "I owe Nami a favor. Helping out with this cosplay cafe is my way of paying her back."

"A cosplay cafe? That's what we're doing here?"

"Yeah. Apparently the servers bailed at the last minute, so we're the replacements. I'm Kieran, by the way."

"I'm Iram."

"Well, looks like we're in this together, Iram. What say we go out there and get this over with?"

"May as well..." Iram sighed miserably, following Kieran into the converted classroom.

* * *

><p>"Anything?" Mykel asked as Asher flopped against the lockers in defeat.<p>

Asher shook his head miserably. "No sign of him. Mabye he did skip class after all..."

Mykel shook his head as well. "No way. Not Iram. He's too..." he searched for the word. "...honest...for that."

"Well then, where is he?"

Mykel shrugged. "We'll just have to keep looking. The school day isn't over yet."

Asher grunted, unconvinced.

"C'mon," Mykel said bracingly. "Let's take a break. I hear they're having a cosplay cafe in 2B."

"Fine..." Asher grumbled, pushing off from the wall to follow him up the stairs.

"Wow, sure is crowded in here..." Mykel observed as he opened the classroom door.

"What do you expect?" Asher snorted. "It's a cosplay cafe. They've problably got two 1st year babes dressed in maid outfits serving."

Mykel shrugged. "C'mon. I think I see a free table in the back."

"Is there anywhere else you can think to check that we've missed?" Asher asked as they thread their way through the cluster of happily chatting customers to their seats.

"Well, all I can think of are the custodian's closets on the north side and...woah..."

"What, what is it?" Asher demanded upon seeing the shocked expression that suddenly crossed Mykel's face. He turned to follow his blonde friends gaze, and his own jaw hit the floor. "...no way..."

* * *

><p>Iram nodded as he scribbled down the orders of a pair of second-years. "So...that'll be a chocolate shake and a sunday, right?" After the inital shock of being forced to walk around in a dress for the amusement of his fellow students, Iram quickly adapted. Kieran had helped too. He'd gotten straight down to work, ignoring the stares and catcalls of his customers and focusing on his job.<p>

Iram had followed his example and and soon the classroom/cafe was bustling and he didn't have time to think about anything else than keeping track of orders. The customers soon gve up on teasing him and were simply content to stare at him in slack-jawed amazement. Iram had no problem with that. It certainly made his job easier, if nothing else.

As he turned to take the order back to the 'kitchen', where a pair of first-year girls were scooping ice cream, he snuck a glance at Kieran who was still taking orders. He'd been doing that a lot over the past hour or so, he mused as he handed the slip of paper containing the order over. At first, it had simply been to watch and imitate in order to get his job done faster, but it had eventually become a habit. One he wasn't sure why he indulged. Was it something to do with the dress?

Before Iram could indulge the thought, he heard someone call his name. "Iram! Hey, Iram! Over here!"

He turned and his heart sank at the sight of Mykel and Asher waving at him excitedly from across the room. He'd been well aware of the fact that the two upperclassmen had been fanboys of his for a while now, and had made every effort to avoid them. However, once Percy learned of this, he quickly began to take advantage of the situation. The worst of it was when he'd sold them two pictures he'd somehow managed to take of Iram in the shower.

Iram looked around desperately, but Kieran was still busy with other customers and Mykel and Asher had obviously already seen him. He groaned and trudged over to the table.

"What'll it be?" He sighed, staring fixedly at his ordering pad.

"W...wow, Iram," Asher stared, open mouthed. "Y-you look..."

"Absolutely amazing." Mykel finished with a confident grin, having recovered his composure.

"...thanks..." Iram mumbled, not feeling very thankful at all.

"Aren't you going to sit down?"

"Um...I'm kind of working right now..." Iram said, gesturing towards his dress.

"Oh, yes..." Mykel said, as if just now remembering. "So tell me, who convinced you to do this and how?"

"Nobody convinced me..." Iram admitted. "Nami just kind of...roped me itno it."

"So...you're here against your will..." Mykel said, eyes glittering.

Iram swallowed, not liking that look in his eye. "I...wouldn't say that..."

"You just said yourself you were roped into it." Mykel pointed out. "Come on. We can get you out of here," he started to stand. "Just say the word and we-"

"Everything alright over here?" Releif flooded Iram's system as he looked up to see Kieran standing there, fixing the two harrasers with a hard glare. "Have you taken their orders yet?"

Mykel slid back into his seat with a disarming smile. "Two vanilla shakes please. With blueberries, if you have them," he said, eyeing the lining of Iram's dress pointedly.

"Coming right up..." Iram muttered as he scurried away.

Kieran stood there for a moment, his steely gaze boring into Mykel's seemingly innocent one before he spun on his heel and stalking off.

* * *

><p>Naoll stomped down the hallway, squeezing the chess peice in his hand so hard he nearly broke it. He didn't notice this however, and everyone else took one look at his stormy face and quickly got out of his way.<p>

That kid, whoever he was had humiliated him in front of everybody. Naoll gritted his teeth. He would pay for that. Even if he DID have a cute butt-

Naoll stopped dead in his tracks as the thought flashed through his mind. Before he had the time to fully grasp the implications of said thought, however, someone tapped him on the shoulder.

Naoll turned to see the smug blonde from earlier looking up at him. "WHAT?" He snapped.

"Can I have your penis?" the kid asked with a straight face.

Everyone in the hallway turned to stare.

Naoll facefaulted and blushed at the same time. "WHAT?" He squeaked, his voice climbing a half-octave.

The kid pointed at the chess peice in Naoll's white-knuckled hand. "Your penis. Can I have it?"

Naoll facepalmed, shoving a tidal wave of dirty thoughts all involving him giving this kid his penis in other ways out of his mind. "First of all," he ground out, "it's a chess peice. And secondly, NO! You can't have it!"

With that he spun on his heel and continued his hall stomping. The kid started following him "Aw, c'mon. Please?"

"NO!"

"Please?"

"NO!"

"Please?"

"NO!"

And so on and so on all the way down the hall.

* * *

><p>Takao looked around the abandoned classroom in confusion.<p>

"Hisoka? You want to eat lunch in here?" He asked. "But it's so empty..."

Hisoka blushed, nervous. "Um...No...I-I don't want to eat lunch."

Takao blinked. "Eh?"

"Well, think about it..." Hisoka said, sitting on a desk."I brought you to a place that is totally abandoned. A place that no one comes to during lunch. Why do you think I'd do that?"

Takao sweatdropped. "Hisoka..I'm really bad at guessing games..could you just tell me?"

Hisoka furrowed his brow. "you're really not getting it?" He sighed, leaned forward, and grabbed Takao's crotch. "Clear enough?"

Takao face-faulted, blushing hard. "W-wait just a minute!"

"Don't look so surprised," Hisoka said in irritation. "This is the reason you asked me out in the first place, right? I don't see what else you could want from me."

"No." Takao mumbled, staring at the ground. "That isn't the reason..." He lifted his gaze to Hisoka's, his heart thundering in his chest. "I asked you out because I...well, because I love you."

Hisoka gave him a look. "Is that supposed to be a joke?"

"Hisoka, I'm serious."

"No, you aren't. Hisoka snapped. "You don't know the first thing about me! We haven't even talked before today and you sure as hell didn't know I'd pull something like this! How can you say you love me?"

Takao stared at him uncertainly. "Hi-" he started to say, but Hisoka cut him off.

"I'm not interested in someone who loves me," he said. "So either do waht I want or break up with me."

Takao stood there for a long moment, considering, then slowly raised a hand to Hisoka's face, his hand trembling as he debated with himself. For a moment, he seemed to be about to give in, but then he sucked in his breath, straighted up and said "Hisoka, I think that-"

Hisoka interripted him, smirking as he rubbed at his cock through his jeans. "You act like you don't want to, but you're already so hard."

Takao scrambled to regain his balance. "S-so I am. But Hisoka-"

Hisoka's eyes lit up. "I'll take care of that for you"

"Err...thanks?" Takao spluttered. "But Hisoka, I don't want-"

Hisoka wasn't listening, having already pulled Takao's pants and breifs down to expose his erection. "I'm surprised," he mused. "I thought it would be really tiny."

"Hisoka wait a second!"

Hisoka continued to ignore him, licking at the tip of his cock.

"H-Hisoka..."

Hisoka too Takao into his mouth, sucking and beginning to bob his head up and down.

Takao finally gave up, closing his eyes and surrenduring to the sensations. His blush grew even deeper, as he began to pant.

That was when Ichiro, one of Takao's friends, barged in. "Hey Takao! I was thinking-why doesn't your boyfriend just join us for lunch so we can all eat together?"

Takao's eyes shot open as Hisoka yanked his head off Takao's erection in alarm, unfourtnately for him, the motion was all that it took to send Takao over the edge and he came, squirting cum all over Hisoka's face.

Ichiro sweatdropped. "I-I'll just excuse myself...heh." With that, he bolted out, slamming the door behind him.

"I-I'm sorry!" Takao cried, "I didn't mean-"

"Don't apologize..." Hisoka said heavily, cum running down his face. "It was my idea in the first place." He stood. "I'm...going to clean up."

Takao stared after him sadly for a moment, then started after him.

* * *

><p>Kieran caught Iram's arm as he passed. "Hey. You doing ok? Those two haven't been giving you any more trouble, have they?"<p>

Iram shook his head, blushing. "N-no!"

Kieran frowned. "Well, if they do, you tell me, OK?"

Iram nodded, staring into Kieran's eyes. "Ok..." He said, his blush deepening.

"Order for table 5!" one of the first years said, bringing a tray out. "That's mine," Iram said, tearing his gaze away to pick up the tray.

Kieran watched him go, and his eyes narrowed as he realized table 5 was the table of the two punks who'd been harrassing Iram earlier, the same two he'd asked about.

He watched as Iram set their orders in front of them and flush at something the blonde said to him. He started to back up a little, but the red-head leaned forward, smirking, speaking as well.

Kieran had had enough. He dropped the tray and stalked over to table 5.

Iram looked up in alarm. "Kieran, what-MMPH!" He was cut off as Kieran grabbed his head and kissed him hard, shoving his tongue into Iram's mouth.

Iram's eyes shot open, but Asher and Mykel's eyes were even wider. Then they looked at each other, shrugged, and started making out as well.

The scene repeated itself all over the cafe and within seconds, everyone was making out with everyone.

* * *

><p>"PLEASE?"<p>

"NO!"

"PLEASE?"

"NO!"

"PLEASE?"

"NO!"

Naoll was nearly shaking with rage. This kid had been following him for the past fifteen minutes, and Naoll couldn't seem to find anyway to get rid of him.

"PLEASE?"

"N-wha?"

Naoll stopped dead as he passed the open doorway to what seemed to be a student cafe that was in the midst of a massive make-out session.

The kid didn't seem to notice he'd stopped however and ran into his back, which brought Naoll back to reality...and finally presented him with a solution.

"Yeah, that'll shut you up." He said, spinning to face his pursuer.

Said pursuer adjusted his glasses, looking up at him in bemusement. "So..."

With a growl, Naoll swooped down, capturing his lips with his. The kid sqwaked once, flailed, and then they were on the ground, where Naoll ensured they stayed.

* * *

><p>"Hisoka! Wait!"<p>

Hisoka stopped, not turning around at Takao came running up behind him. "...what do you want?" he asked dejectedly, staring at the floor.

"Look..." Takao said uncertainly. "Let's just talk...I mean, you're right, I don't know you...but I can start to, can't I?"

Hisoka was silent for a moment. "Fine..." he said at last, not meeting Takao's gaze.

Takao beamed. "Great! C'mon!" he said, starting off. "I hear they're having a cafe right around the corner, and-"

He stopped dead at the sight of writhing bodies in various stages of undress, moans floating through the air. "Um..." he turned back to Hisoka only to find the blonde on his kness with his cock back in his mouth.

* * *

><p>Classes were canceled for the rest of the day as the entire school dissolved into a giant orgy.<p> 


End file.
